Last Updated On October 16, 2020.
A typical Lagosian knows the city is fast paced and ruggedly with a diverse transport sector responsible for millions of people daily.
The most popular mass transport is danfo, and it is in fact the Yellow of Lagos.
The danfo accounts for more than 60% of commuters in the Mega-city.
Missed previous articles? Read them here.
Ha! In this collaborative post, I reached out to my amazing friends on WhatsApp to share their epic danfo experiences. They contributed and I sure learnt a lot from ’em.
Danfo (noun): A common name given to yellow and wahala (nuisance) commercial buses in Lagos. Drivers are known for causing traffic chaos, accidents and road rage in the state.
Now, let’s take a look at some of the comical danfo stories.
#1. FAMILY MATTERS
This sounds interesting. Here goes, I was in a bus just yesterday and a grown man was shouting over the phone and disturbing the peace, he was speaking yoruba language.
Apparently, the man was fighting with his wife. He screamed, “if they born you well when I get home do your worst, bastard, stupid woman blah blah blah,” at a point people started laughing.
Sogbesan Samuel loves football, he is a fan of Barca and Tottemham. Sometimes, he gets confused on which team to support.
#2. DRUNK AS A LORD
Okay, I was in the bus and there was this man that was being really lousy. He was probably drunk and he started insulting everyone over the smallest things…
He yelled at a woman beside him, “Shift jare! All this fat women wey no wan pay for two sits”
She got angry and soon they started arguing and yelling at each other.
Someone interceded and the argument subsided only for him to start insulting the driver’s driving because he claimed the man wasn’t going fast enough.
Our driver didn’t respond and after a while he stopped the bus, opened the door, pulled the drunk man out and landed two resounding slaps on his face!
Funny thing is no one begged on behalf of the drunk because he had succeeded in pissing everyone off.
After the driver slapped him, he became quiet.
Isi defines herself as a Modelina, she loves makeup and watching yoruba movies.
#3. THE ADVERTISERS
Unbelievable! I dey try remember one.
Just of recent this woman was advertising drugs inside the bus. She said her name’s Nurse Kerewa of Lagos and na everything she dey sell. She had drugs for eyes, teeth, manpower, diabetes and more.
The other one was a guy marketing phone codes and stuff to passengers, he offered to do cheap internet like 1GB for 200 Naira for free but nobody answered him.
As soon as he announced codes for receiving your partner’s calls or messages, commuters started giving their phones.
One babe was the first, she said the guy should search hubby on her phone and just do it. yeee, awon Nike werey.
Adenekan David is a people’s person. He drives pretty well, loves trucks and aspires to be the greatest there is.
#4. IMPULSIVE MOTORIST
During my junior secondary school days, I was to take a bus with my mom to school. I got in and before my mom could, the driver zoomed off. I had no money on me to pay and he refused to stop.
Argh! Danfo drivers can be so impatient.
Ese is a celebrated economist, she loves children and nightlife browsing bundles.
#5. DELIRIOUS PASSENGER
There was a day I entered a bus from Oshodi to Ilupeju and the man beside me was talking to himself.
It was a very serious conversation. I was shocked!
Ade is one of my best friends. He is an avid supporter of the ericotrips network, an automobile (vintage) enthusiast and enjoyment officer.
#6. PUBLIC DISTURBANCE
One thing I dislike about commercial buses is people who like to stare.
They literally stare at you all through, and they’d be staring at your phone too reading whatever it is you are typing. It’s so vexing!
Also people who play music out loud… ugh.
#7. OH YOU KIBITZER!
Well one day I was in a bus going to Oyo and there was a woman disturbing me throughout the journey. She was asking some stupid questions and I really wasn’t interested.
At a point, I got frustrated to the extent that I bought headphones immediately we reached Ibadan.
I was going farther and didn’t want the situation to repeat itself.
#8. THE BUSYBODY
I was in a danfo bus, stressed out with some cargo on my lap and I was sitting next to a yoruba couple.
The lady complained about how I was taking up space to her husband. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t.
She continued ranting in yoruba and because I’ve never understood the language, I ignored her.
Chei, she eventually called me “o stubborn.”
#9. NO BRAKES?!
This one’s funny. I was in a danfo on Ojuelegba to Iyana Ipaja route and I was sitting at the front seat, the middle one to be precise.
In the course of the journey a passenger wanted to alight the vehicle, there was no conductor so the driver had to trickingly open the door himself.
As he stepped out of bus he told me to hit the brake and keep the vehicle at a halt! I was really surprised and scared at the same time then bros said, “no fear.”
Assuming the brakes stopped working or I mistakenly took my leg off the story would have made it to instablog9ja.
Oh well, everything was stable and quickly got odd again when he returned to start fondling the handbrake as if it was a pet.
Abeg, dis Naija no go kee me biko.
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#10. quantum of menace
My friend, Gimba and I went to Ikeja and on our way coming back, we took one danfo bus.
During our commute, the conductor collected the fare an some kilometers away from Computer Village, a certain number of passengers alighted and new ones joined in.
Minutes passed and there was sudden commotion when the conductor and a roadside tout (agbero) started quarrelling over 100 Naira! They dragged and pulled each other’s clothes, and the agbero even seized our conductor’s footwear.
We waited patiently for them to settle and their quarrel was actually getting worse by the second. Boom! Out of no where, some folks banged our bus (I still don’t know why). And as if that wasn’t enough predicament, another agbero confronted the driver with a plastic bottle and emptied it. The man was drenched!
Oh it gets violent… Our driver retaliated almost immediately, and after leaving us in the danfo, the man beat up the tout before injuring him.
After another five minutes, police got involved and even though we earlier asked the conductor for change, the cruel man vanished in the middle of the commotion.
It was crazy aswear!
Everyone has a story to share after riding in a Lagos danfo. It’s common, it’s cheap and drivers sure know how to escape Lagos traffic congestion on some days.
Thanks to all my friends for contributing to this experience.
This is a two part series, see the follow-up here.
Over to you, what’s your Lagos danfo story? Kindly share.
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