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A typical Lagosian knows the city is fast paced and detailed with a diverse transport sector responsible for millions of people daily. The most popular mass transit option is danfo, it is the yellow of Lagos.
The Danfo accounts for more than 60% of commuters in the Mega-city. Simply put, they are a symbol of transportation in the state. Other public networks like BRT, Taxi, Keke Napep and Okada aren’t as common as them.
If you’re an avid reader of my blog, you’ll realise that different transport options are discussed here regularly, it’s one of the crucial scope. Even when I try to abstain from the process, I can’t help it because most viewers love it!
This narrative is a fun write up and I’ve got great expectations for it. In this collaborative post, I reached out to my wonderful friends on WhatsApp to share their danfo experiences. They helped contribute and I sure learnt a lot from them.
Danfo (noun): A name given to a commercial bus popular for the nuisance “wahala” they cause on Lagos roads.
#1. FAMILY MATTERS
This sounds interesting. Here goes, I was in a bus just yesterday and a grown man was shouting over the phone and disturbing the peace, he was speaking yoruba language.
Apparently, the man was fighting with his wife. He screamed, “if they born you well when I get home do your worst, bastard, stupid woman blah blah blah, at a point people started laughing.
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#2. DRUNK AS A LORD
Okay, I was in the bus and there was this man that was being really lousy. He was probably drunk and he started insulting everyone over the smallest things…
He yelled at a woman beside him, “Shift jare! All this fat women wey no wan pay for two sits”
She got angry and soon they started arguing and yelling at each other.
Someone interceded and the argument subsided only for him to start insulting the driver’s drivingbecause he claimed the man wasn’t going fast enough.
The driver didn’t respond and after a while he stopped the bus, opened the door, pulled the drunk man out and landed two resounding slaps on his face…
Funny thing is no one begged on behalf of the drunkard because he had succeeded in irritating all of us…
After the driver slapped him, he became quiet while we continued our journey.
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#3. THE ADVERTISERS
Unbelievable! I dey try remember one.
Just of recent this woman was advertising drugs inside the bus. She said her name’s Nurse Kerewa of Lagos and na everything she dey sell. She had drugs for eyes, teeth, manpower, diabetes and more.
The other one was a guy marketing phone codes and stuff to passengers, he offered to do cheap internet like 1GB for 200 Naira for free but nobody answered him.
As soon as he announced codes for receiving your partner’s calls or messages people started giving their phones.
One babe was the first, she said the guy should search hubby on her phone and “just do it”
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#4. IMPULSIVE MOTORIST
During my junior secondary school days, I was to take a bus with my mom to school. I got in and before my mom could the driver zoomed off. I had no money on me to pay and he refused to stop. Danfo drivers can be so impatient!
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#5. DELIRIOUS PASSENGER
There was a day I entered a bus from Oshodi to Ilupeju and the man beside me was talking to himself.
It was a very serious conversation.
I was shocked!
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#6. PUBLIC DISTURBANCE
One thing I dislike in commercial buses is people that like to stare…
They literally stare at you all through, and they’d be staring at your phone too reading whatever it is you are doing. It’s so vexing…
Also people that play music out loud…”Ugh”
#7. OH YOU KIBITZER!
Well one day I was in a bus going to Oyo and there was a woman disturbing me throughout the journey. She was asking some stupid questions and I wasn’t interested.
At a point, I got so frustrated to the extent that I bought headphones when we reached Ibadan. I was going farther and didn’t want the situation to repeat itself.
#8. THE BUSYBODY
I was in a danfo bus, stressed out with some cargo on my lap and I was sitting next to a yoruba couple.
The lady complained about how I was taking up space to her husband. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t.
She continued ranting in yoruba and because I don’t understand the language, I ignored her.
At a point she referred to me as “o stubborn”
#9. NO BRAKES?!
This one’s funny. I was in a danfo on Ojuelegba to Iyana Ipaja route and I was sitting at the front seat, the middle one to be precise.
In the course of the journey a passenger wanted to alight the vehicle, there was no conductor so the driver had to trickingly open the door himself.
As he stepped out of bus he told me to hit the brake and keep the vehicle at a halt! I was really surprised and scared at the same time then bros said, “no fear”
Assuming the brakes stopped working or I mistakenly took my leg off the story would have been on instablog9ja right now. Oh well, everything was stable and quickly got odd again when he returned to start fondling the handbrake as if it was a toy gun.
Abeg this Naija will not kill me biko.
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My friend, Gimba and I went to Ikeja over the weekend and on our way coming back we boarded a danfo bus.
During our trip the conductor collected the fare and after some kilometers away from Computer Village a certain number of passengers alighted and new ones joined us.
Minutes passed and there was sudden commotion when the conductor and a roadside tout (agbero) started fighting because of 100 Naira! They dragged and pulled each other’s shirt and trouser. At a point, the agbero even seized the conductor’s footwear.
We waited patiently for them to settle the matter but it was getting worse plus some folks banged our bus (don’t know why). We wasted 15 minutes and as if that wasn’t enough another tout confronted the driver behind the wheels and poured him a bottle of water!
The driver retaliated immediately, it wasn’t funny anymore. He left the bus to properly battle the tout. Passengers including myself started complaining and some searched for alternatives (Okada, Keke Napep, Taxi, BRT)
He succeeded in punching the tout and injuring him…Thereafter, the whole situation normalized and we asked the conductor for a refund.
Later (another 5 minutes), police got involved, they partially solved the problem and in the middle of the commotion, the conductor disappeared with our money. It was crazy!
The bus got grounded there and passengers had to find their roots.
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